The chatter of the audience stilled as the lights grew low. A moment later, the curtain rose and the spotlight shone on the left side of the stage. A polite applause accompanied the Old Fox as he hobbled to the podium in the center of the stage. He glared at the crowd, waiting for the clapping to die down before beginning. "Good evening Gentlemen and Ladies, Dogs and Cats, Horses and Fish, Chairs and Tables, Insects and Birds, All Things Small and Great within the sound of my voice! "Tonight we have prepared for your listening torture a Work Most Despicable! Written by a would-be aspiring author, known under the unremarkable name of 'SR Foxley' "In this story, he presumes to tell the tale of a young astronomer and his undesirable circumstance. It is purposed to be founded on the experiences of an actual living, breathing individual. The author even goes so far as to claim that he has an intimate relationship with this person! The Old Fox began to rock and sway at the podium with mounting enthusiasm. A faint murmur began to rise from the audience. "I expect your opinions of this feature to be polarized: Either your distaste will be immediate, or your enmity will grow with time. Shouting, he continued, "In any case! I will be severely disappointed if his mailbox is not flooded with notes of harmful intent and threats regarding the termination of his life!" "This 'work,' as we so liberally use the term, contains material of a philosophical and religious nature, yet in such superficial quantities as to render the entire subject a mockery of the dear audience's intelligence! The murmur grew louder. "One will also find harsh language and violence in most inappropriate passages. The whole affair may have been salvageable as a cheap thriller or pulp fiction were there any scenes of a sexual nature, but no! None shall be found!" At this, the murmur jumped to a dull roar, and the Old Fox was forced to raise both forepaws above his head in a calming fashion until the noise had lowered to a manageable level. "My sincerest apologies to all of you! If, during this presentation, your displeasure should grow to an intolerable level, you are all invited to take leave to the lobby, where the cost of your tickets shall be refunded in full." He gestured toward the exits at the rear of the hall. The audience seemed to calm and several creatures rose and began making their way to the indicated doors. Smiling at the effect his words had had, the Old Fox continued, "I see that some are already opting for the wiser choice. Bravo! I commend you!" After pausing for a moment he went on, "Although I could continue until well into the evening with much more well-deserved criticism, I think it best for you yourselves to form opinions of this horrendous cavity of independent thought!" "And so, without much more ado, we present with utmost disapproval the story by SR Foxley known as... ...The Stargazing Spot." As the Old Fox limped off the stage to the right, someone in the second row began clapping. The orator pretended not to hear. Copyright © 1998 by SR Foxley. All rights reserved. Please contact the author if you have questions regarding the publication of this document.
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