"WHAM!" SR leaned against the inside of his dorm room door, letting out a long breath before tossing his backpack onto his bed. He hated being badgered, and that night at the mall he certainly had been. Not that it was his fault-- he'd only planned on buying another eyepiece for his telescope before a fitful night of stargazing.... Letting his feet guide him while his mind was engrossed in thought, SR finally stopped when he felt as if he'd reached his destination. It became immediately apparent that he was in the wrong store-- the shelves were scantily stocked with what had to be the most eclectic collection of junk that SR had ever seen. Still, this wasn't as disturbing as the store's current occupants. In the rear, near an antique register, an old man in a bathrobe was arguing excitedly with an equally old, but much more crotchety man who was apparently wearing a fox suit. "I say he WILL take the figurine!" growled the fox. "No he WON'T," retorted his counterpart, "You know how much he prefers computers to knick knacks!" "Oh sure! But you wouldn't even give my idea a fighting chance! Besides, how do you even know that this new-fangled computer program will even work? For the sake of all that's holy and good, you haven't even tested it yet!" The man in the robe merely sighed and shook his head. Sensing he was not a welcome party in this private argument, SR turned to leave. "Boy!" called the Old Fox, "Boy! Come over here." Since SR was the only other occupant of the store (excepting, of course, the large dog that had menacingly decided to block SR's access to the exit), he assumed the fox was referring to him. Turning again (but keeping an eye on the... wolf?) SR regarded the fox. "I wonder if you mightn't settle a little bet of ours," he began, hobbling toward the young astronomer. "I was wondering if you would be willing to take this little figurine home with you?" SR was momentarily distracted by the other's gait. It was clear that his left foot pained him, but wow! Whoever had designed that fox suit had to be the best darned costume designer this side of the rockies! It was unbelievable how natural that walk looked... "I asked you a question, boy!" The Old Fox stared with fiery golden eyes. "Oh come!" came the voice of the old man from the rear of the store, "You know that's no way to treat a customer!" "You stay out of this!" the fox snapped, turning his head slightly toward the old man. The wolf growled. "And you, too!" The fox's ears swiveled forward, regarding the wolf standing behind SR. SR was still dumb struck. The way his face had moved! The lips and tongue imitated exactly the movements they would have made, had they really formed the words SR was hearing. The cheeks, eyebrows, ears and eyes all accented the inflection in the gravelly voice. SR even felt the hot (and slightly acrid) breath exiting from the fox's muzzle. This had to be the best display of animatronics SR had ever seen! "Well, what do you think?" the Old Fox interrupted SR's reverie. "Oh... er... of what?" "The little statue!" The Old Fox stared incredulously. SR finally noticed the figurine his opposite was holding between them in a black-and-grey-furred paw. It was made of fine hand-crafted porcelain, depicting a red fox sleeping contentedly with its nose tucked beneath its tail. Whoever had made it had certainly spent several hours getting all the details just right. SR was almost as impressed with the little thing as he was with the cosmetic wonder standing before him! "Well?" the Old Fox's voice told of patience long worn out. "Um... well.. It's nice, and all, but I really don't think..." "Oh pish posh!" interrupted the fox. "You want it don't you?" "Well, it sure does look cool...." "Well what, then? What if I were to give it to you for free?" This was growing too bizarre. SR had only been in the place for two minutes and this nearly-rabid vulpine was, with verbal hands, pushing him toward a rather threatening wolf while a half-naked old man surveyed the scene, shaking his head and frowning. "Um... No. I have to go now." The Old Fox wouldn't back down. "Go where? There's a full moon out tonight! You'll hardly see any stars! Besides, the shop where you intended to buy that eyepiece has already closed." SR nearly soiled his pants. He turned to make a bolt for the door, but the wolf had other ideas. Panicked, he ran down one of the short aisles as the fox continued his steeped and angry monologue. The barrage continued for nearly fifteen minutes, the fox literally chasing SR around the store the whole time. He may have been crippled, but that Old Fox could really move when he wanted to! Finally, the old man in the bathrobe interceded, grabbing SR as he wheeled around a corner, headed once again for the door that he wished the wolf would stop guarding. "Here, SR, why don't you take one of these, instead?" The old man reached into a bin full of CDs, retrieved one and pressed it into SR's hand. SR dumbly took it and was out the door before he realized the wolf had obligingly moved out of the way. He didn't stop running until he was safe inside his green Jeep. After allowing his nerves to cool for a moment, he drove nervously back to his dorm room. Well, that had certainly ruined his mood to see the stars! SR began to remove his coat when he noticed that his left hand was stuck. Looking down, he mentally slapped himself as he realized that the CD (that he'd been clutching ever since leaving the store) wouldn't fit through the coat sleeve. He flipped it over to read the label. "Abode Realityshop 1.0 for Windows: copyright SRU Technologies" He wondered about the play on the name of the popular photo editor, but decided to try it out anyway. Sitting down in front of his Linux box, he typed the command that would make the machine reboot into Windows. He grabbed a soda as his windows startup sound-- an explosion followed by someone shouting "Oh crap!"-- filled the computer speakers. This was followed by Dexter from Dexter's Lab calling out "This is all your fault!!" and "Have you any idea what you have done?!" as a warning box and fatal error message appeared on the screen. A few months prior to this, a faulty video-capture program had wrought havoc on SR's registry file, and he still hadn't worked out all the bugs. Not that it was a priority-- SR used Windows rarely enough that he didn't really care. Instead, he changed the default sounds to reflect something more appropriate to the bug-ridden gaming sessions for which he mainly used this operating system. He thought about removing the program that consistently died during the startup sequence, but simply hadn't gotten around to doing it yet. Downing the last of the root beer, he popped the CD into the drive and waited for the install program to execute. Greetings from the Abode Realityshop 1.0 for Windows! Installation Wizard! Please wait while the Wizard examines reality in its current state... SR thought the words glowing brightly on the screen were rather odd, but what the hey! This program was a spoof, right? The Wizard has noticed that you have not run Realityshop before and would like to install the following files and folders on your hard drive: SR quickly scanned the list of files, stopping at the last with scrutiny: C:\SRU\Rshop\History.dat 624MB 624MB!? That with the rest of the files was more than this CD could hold anyway! What kind of bloatware was this? SR clicked the help button, and searched for the file name. History.dat: optional history file. This is an internal file which Realityshop uses to store such information as recent changes to reality; important global events; information on continental drift, the rise of civilization, etc.; and a user profile. While Realityshop can be run without aid of this file, the Wizard HIGHLY recommends installing it. If this file is corrupted or destroyed, Realityshop may function abnormally. DO NOT DELETE THIS FILE! SR considered this for a moment, then decided to allow the installation wizard to install the file. He had enough space on his hard drive, and remembered the lag of using programs that constantly needed to read from the CD-Rom drive. Besides, he figured he'd just end up wiping the thing from the hard drive when he was done, anyway. The rest of the installation process went through without a hitch, although SR thought it rather bizarre that the default values in the user profile section matched his description exactly-- that and some of the fields on the form were unusual. "Why do they even ask what species I am? Just what is this 'Animal, Mineral, Vegetable, Other' menu supposed to mean? And why is there a 'make changes' button when I'm entering the information for the first time?" You are now ready to use Abode Realityshop 1.0 for Windows! The Wizard wishes you happy editing! SR clicked on the new icon on the desktop. A splash screen popped up: Starting Abode Realityshop 1.0 for Windows! Please wait while the Wizard examines reality... After a minute and a half of waiting (hey, we are talking 624MB, here!), the main screen came up. A second later, a dialogue box appeared and a "wizard" in a bathrobe came bouncing happily onto the screen. Hello SR! Since this is your first time altering reality, I've showed up to help you get acquainted with the tools at your fingertips! Please select one of the options from the list below: SR glared dejectedly at the smiling face of the animated wizard. He hated these things. In SR's opinion, these little "helpers" were more burden than boon. In other software he'd used they tended to pop up exactly when they weren't wanted, provided information SR already knew, and were generally an annoying reminder that he was using Windows in the first place. He usually clicked on the never-come- back-again-even-if-I'm-screaming-and-crying-my-eyes-out button when they showed up on the screen. To his surprise, there was a button in the dialogue box that had that exact description. Amused, SR clicked the button. Dexter cried out, "Have you any idea what you have done?" as the wizard's expression changed from gleeful to concerned. A warning box appeared on the screen: Are you really sure you want to do that, SR? After all, changing reality isn't exactly... SR read that far before angrily searching out the 'Yes, I'm sure' button and clicking. Dexter again: "Have you any idea what you have done?" The wizard now looked distraught. No really, SR, I know you think programs like this are intuitive, but you have to be really, REALLY... SR clicked the 'Yes, I'm really, REALLY sure' button. The warnings continued, as did Dexter's verbalizations: SR, please just think things thr... He'd had it at this point. SR shouted at the screen: "Oh for crying out loud, would you please just leave!?" To his surprise, the animated wizard simply looked out of the phosphors with a hurt expression, then disappeared in a flash of light. SR blinked at the screen for a moment in disbelief. He hadn't clicked on any button-- just yelled at the screen. Sure, this computer had a microphone connected to it, but still... Attributing it to some extremely bored and somewhat psychotic programmer holed up in a cubicle somewhere in the fifth basement level of a certain building in Seattle, Washington, SR shook his head and started to use the program. The first thing that struck SR was how well thorough they had made the program. There were three basic functions: 'Observe', 'Make changes', and 'Undo.' After clicking on 'Make changes,' he was then presented with a series of dialogue boxes, starting with a choice between 'Universal,' and 'Particular,' and continuing with 'This Universe,' or 'Some other Universe.' It became readily apparent that the aim of these boxes was to go from a more general to a very specific aspect of reality which the user wanted to change. SR was beginning to become impressed with this program. He still wasn't quite sure what the gist of the whole thing was, but figured it had to be some sort of simulator. Still, he'd never come across any simulator that functioned quite like this one. He began to become frustrated after wading through thirty dialogue boxes and having still only reached 'Astronomical objects in this solar system or another?' He began to make selections at random. After quickly going through another sixty or so boxes, he was at 'Appearance of the surface of the moon to non-colorblind humans as seen from earth on a clear night when the moon is full.' At his wit's end, SR said the the screen: "Oh come on, just show me the moon, already!" He was again surprised when the mouse's arrow turned into an hourglass for a moment, and a window popped up which closely resembled that of several paint programs SR had had experience using. Featured in the center of the window, as one might expect, was an image of the Earth's largest natural satellite. Along the top was a tool bar overloaded with buttons. SR only recognized about one tenth of them. Spying a magnifying glass, He selected that tool and began to zoom in on a random crater. And zoom... and zoom... Most programs gave out on detail after the second or third iteration. In a few minutes, SR was at the thirtieth, with no apparent lack of resolution. He was impressed but realized that the images he was seeing were probably being produced by some sort of ray-tracing algorithm. Still, if this was ray tracing, then it had to be the fastest algorithm on the planet! SR made a mental note to buy stock in SRU Technologies. Having finally gotten down to the point where he could make out individual moon rocks, SR grew bored of zooming and clicked the button that would bring the entire moon back into focus. "Let's see... what else to try..." SR clicked on the paintbrush icon and was presented with a box allowing him to adjust the various brush settings. Having selected a very broad circular, tapering brush and a dark brownish-black color he paused for a moment to consider what he would draw... "Aaah! Perfect!" Dot! Dot! Striii-iiipe! There. The man in the moon never looked happier. He selected a smaller brush and zoomed in a little before scribbling "SR was here" in the Sea of Tranquility. Snickering to himself, something on the corner of the screen caught his attention. The button labelled 'Make Changes' turned from the disabled-grey to the enabled-black color common for Windows. SR clicked the button. He was presented with another selection box: 'Make all changes now' or 'Add current changes to queue.' Without much thought, he clicked on the former choice. Yet another box popped up on the screen: Preparing to make changes... please wait... 1%...2%...3%... SR groaned at how long the counter was taking to jump from number to number. At this rate it would take fifteen minutes for the process to come to completion! He still didn't know what the process was, but by this time his curiosity was too piqued to stop it. Not that he could easily have done that anyway-- there was no 'Abort' button. He stood and stretched. He had hoped to spend the greater portion of the night serenely watching the various heavenly phenomena instead of messing with the computer. Glancing out his window at the moon, he considered still going out to his favorite spot. He turned on the radio and went for another soda. It was late-- after midnight-- and the radio began to spout an endless drivel of some news program. SR was bent over, reaching for a Squirt in the rear of the refrigerator when he suddenly momentarily felt dizzy, and a male voice called out from the computer speakers, "Initiating Changes... Changes complete." He glanced at the screen to see a message box with similar intent. Popping open the can, he sat down in front of the computer. He clicked the 'OK' button on the box, but to his surprise and disappointment nothing happened. The program just sat there, as if waiting for further input. "What a piece of crap!" he muttered, "Hrmph! There went forty-five minutes of my life that I'll never have back." He was about the close the thing and uninstall when something on the radio grabbed his attention: "...Thanks for staying tuned. With me now is Reverend John Williamson, here to discuss his book, 'Man in the Moon: God's Message to Humanity.' John, could you briefly tell us what your book is about?" "Certainly Paula. As we all know, for centuries humankind has debated the possible significance of the lunar phenomenon we call the 'Man in the Moon.' In my book, I discuss the course this debate has taken throughout the centuries and try to come to a conclusion about the message our Deity was trying to send us with it. I begin with the mesopotamian worshipers of the 'Smiling God,' and end with the recent scientific claim that the face we see at night is actually the result of lunar volcanic activity that occurred over 500 million years ago. I've also laid particular emphasis on Darwin's evolution theory-- specifically, the part linking the evolution of the two eyes and horizontal mouth present on most mammals, fish, and reptiles with the 'Man in the Moon.'" "John, critics have claimed that your book..." SR listened for five more minutes before his disbelief drove him to rise to his feet and pull one of his astronomy books off the shelf. He flipped to the illustration section. When he found the picture he'd been searching for, his jaw dropped to the floor and he gasped for air. Letting the book fall, he sprinted to the window. There, suspended high in the sky was the crude smilie-face he'd painted on the moon just fifteen minutes earlier. Mouth still agape, he looked back to the computer screen to see an identical image grinning gleefully back. SR's mind reeled with the realization of what had just occurred. He had to steady himself on the bed as he became light headed and began to see the non-astronomical kind of shooting stars. After he had somewhat recovered, the radio program again caught his attention: "...of course, in the end we can only speculate as to why He who had power to do so chose to send us His love in the form of a smiling face." "Thank you, John." "Thank you, Paula." "Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we've been talking with Reverend..." SR closed his mouth, considering what he had just heard. Slowly, a wicked smile spread itself across his face. He strolled over to the computer and began to work.... Copyright © 1998 by SR Foxley. All rights reserved. Please contact the author if you have questions regarding the publication of this document.
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